Thoughts and experience of a city girl

3 days my parents and my younger bro is away on a cruise in Singapore. Everyone would think I was looking forward to this as it was a sign of FREEDOM. I am practically the queen of the house, able to do anything I want at anytime. But on Friday night, which is the first day they were away, I was feeling the missing part in my life. Don’t mean to sound so homely but I do MISS them. My elder bro only came back late that day and I already dozed off then. Saturday, I went for my scheduled back exercise, then shopping (like I always do on saturdays) but when the day was ending, I again felt the strong feelings of missing them. It has been so usual that it becomes a norm that on every Sunday, I would go walk the little forest at Bukit Gasing or Bukit Kiara with my family. All of a sudden, I was struck, what am I going to do this sunday. I’ve dedicated my Sundays as family day and part of them are gone on a vacation.

I did go to Pavillion with my elder bro, walking and seeing what’s new there. It was a good outing and also a good day as I know my parents and younger bro is coming back! I just thought of cooking them a meal as a welcoming gesture, where I went to the market to buy all the raw food materials (boy i thought everything was really cheap!) A very obvious first timer, Haha. Preparing for dinner took me close to 2 hours and by 6pm, I was there to fefch my family from Times Square. Was overjoyed to see them, and extremely happy to see them enjoy the dinner I prepared. My family has never failed to appreciate my little gesture and this really matters in all family.

All along, I realised how important family is to me, and this past 3 days further deepened my thought about it. I guess it’s weird to stay in a house without the noise and laughter. It was in fact ok when I was alone in campus but really not the case when I am home, that’s the difference and I am glad I always have a warm home to go back to.

My back pain is really frustrating me. (Yeah, I think i sound as if I am 50 plus, haha). The pain is not going away and sometimes, it becomes from bad to worse if I am determined to hit the gym often enough or sit in the office for a reasonable long period. This sucks and I figure if this condition continues, I will lead a very sad life after the age of 30, just like what my orthopedic specialist told me before.

Finally I decided to take the doctor’s referral letter and book myself a 6 weeks intensive back reconditioning program. Been procrastinating for over 2 months. I really hope this will at least improve my back, even by a bit I will be glad enough. We’ll see…and now that I am driving my new "machine" everywhere, my back is suffering the consequences as well. What to do, I like driving…for now.

I have finally been transferred to another segment effective last week. No more sitting in the office wondering where am I heading next. No more anticipating what some doctors say might change my career. And best of all, no more helpless feeling. I am relieved that I am now in the SIS segment, also known as Schlumberger Information Solution team in KL. Not that I don’t want to hang on to my initial position, but there’s just too many problems and the company doctor couldn’t reach a compromise that could both allow me to go back to the field and not risking my back.

I feel like life is getting back on track (though it already was few weeks back when i decided to party hard and ignore my career progression for awhile). I treasure the feeling of going into the office and having a purpose to be there. For a person who has been ‘lost’ for 3 months, i must say this is one extraordinary feeling.

The people in my new segment are extremely nice so far. Though I have still yet to know many of them but I will be more than eager to do so.

Cheers to my ‘new’ career!

"Are you Malaysian or Japanese?" What kind of taxi driver would ask that when u first hop into their cabs? I would say Malaysian one! I had that experience quite some time ago when I took a cab from Puduraya to Midvalley. Before the taxi driver start the meter, he turned around and asked "are u Malaysian or Japanese?" I was puzzled, but told him politely that I am local and why did he ask so? He said if I am a foreigner, he wouldn’t use the meter and would charge me a high flat rate! I was surprised at his guts to even say that. I am speechless, this is total crap.

Yesterday, after hitting the gym in the evening, I waited patiently at one of the entrance of KLCC for my dad to pick me up. It was raining pretty heavily and there’s a long queue for taxis, everyone looking anxious to get a cab and get to their destinations soon. As all KL people know, we have one of the worst taxi drivers around. Don’t get me wrong, I am not generalizing on ALL but I dare say, most of them. Those taxi drivers would ’stop’ to pick up passengers at the stand, but before the passengers could board the taxi, they actually have to ‘ask permission’ whether or not the taxi driver is going to their place of destination and then bargain for a good price. Most of the time, the taxi drivers would just drove off, with no passenger in it! They seem to have a specified destinations they wanna go, so if the passengers are not heading there, then that’s too bad. I am totally embarrassed with their attitudes, and how uncivilized they are.

I guess this situation is going to be around for a long long time, this is one thing I am really sad being a Malaysian. Hard to be proud when this involves the country’s image.

I didn’t realize how much I miss having a good session of girl talk til last Saturday. Well, half of my close friends are studying overseas, so it’s hard to get everyone together for a nice outing/chat. A few of my secondary school friends and I met up at Bangsar Village for dinner. Then we proceeded to Telawi Street Bistro for a drink + snack.

As we were busy catching up with each other’s life, we always reflect back to our secondary days, we have know each other for 10 years. We talked from how much we have changed (or how little for some) to predicting who’s going to marry next. But the interesting part of a girl talk is always about relationships.

I found myself pouring my past experiences to my friends, most of them were known already but the recent past few years were still ‘new’ to my friends. I must say they were pretty amazed with some of my stories, which make me wonder, how did I pull through or get myself into some of the situations. But it is always comforting to feel that whatever happen, I will have these friends to fall back on, never have they failed me before and I am truly glad for that. These are the people I wanna share my lives’ ups and downs with, cos besides my family, they see how I have grown to be who I am now.

I never really have any close gal friends since secondary days, I simply come out with the conclusion that I am not very good in making friends with gals.  Now, you see why I miss girl talk so much…

One of my jap friends, Nobuto-san I knew during my OFS-1 in Abu DHabi was in KL for the past 2 days. I believe this is my first time trying to be a tour guide in KL, haha. First day we were hanging around KLCC and with a few hours in between before his dinner appointment, we walked around chinatown and the whole of Bukit Bintang. Lots of walking for a day though. It’s funny to see how my friend’s reaction when he asked for the price of a cap at chinatown and later didnt wanna buy it. The sweaty salesman was practically pulling his hand, not letting him go unless he buy the cap. Haha, being japanese..always so obliging, he bought it but i think he enjoyed that experience!

The next day I brought him to Genting, I didnt know he loves casino so much! We spent most of our time there. The first timer luck was with him and he did win quite a bit at the slot machines but then the roulette game just eat back all his money. Haha. Hs will definitely go back to genting after this, cos obviously he loves it alot there. I told him to go outdoor the next time, dont stop at the casino first. :p LAter that night, my parents brought him for chinese food at bangsar, i tell u, he’s doing really well with malaysian food and loving it. We had bak kut teh in the afternoon, he loved it too. Sent him back to hotel later and he’s back to kemaman the next day. When i go to Tokyo one day, I will surely bug him. Haha.

I am so in love with this song right now, it’s the soundtrack from the movie Music and Lyrics. Try listening it, very calming.

Way Back Into Love
I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but i just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to she’d some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

Crap and nonsense, that pretty much sum up my life for now. Problems and more problems, always popping up though my existing ones are not solved yet. All these are so overwhelming, too much too fast. I been drowning myself with anger, frustration and self pity. I wasnt like this before, this is not me. Tears are cheap. Smiles and laughter is a distance away.

I was withdrawing from my friends initially but that only make things worse. I know everyone has to go thru some sucky moments in life and i think this is my moment now. I am struggling, at some point, suffocating. But i know for sure I will be a much stronger person when all these are finally over. It’s just a matter of time. I felt bad worrying my parents and my family. I never meant to bring such sorrow to them, I tried to be strong, but sometimes, the harder I try, the harder I fall if it fails. I’m fortunate in many ways that I have friends who really cared, some phone calls just made my day. I hope my next blog wont be another similar one, I hope it’s going to be a happier one. Nothing is that bad or depressing as long as I am still alive and living by the moment.

I went to Damansara Specialist Hospital today for a second doctor’s opinion on my back sprain. Before this, I went to
the Sabah Medical Centre in KK but the medication given is not working. How do I
get my sprained? It’s from my job, and I sprained it twice! It hurts quite bad
now. I have to put a pillow at my back everytime I sit down and I can’t sit/stand/walk
for too long cos my back will give way. This feeling simply sucks!

So basically, the doctor said I have acute back sprain as
well as ligaments sprain. I need to do physiotherapy for 3 consecutive days
starting today and after that on regular basis to strengthen my back again. I
did current therapy, ice therapy and ultrasound therapy and will be doing the
same until my back doesn’t hurt that much. After that, will do some light back
exercise, also done at DSH.

Feel kinda crap that I need to go thru all this now. Even if
I want to go shopping now, it’s going to be a hassle for me. Haha, yeah I am
thinking of shopping despite the pain cos it’s really boring staying home! One
thing I realized now, our back will affect every single movement of our body. I
don’t know how long will I take to fully recover, but again to fully recover is
impossible, the scar will be there, my back has already been hurt twice, the
resistance is obviously lower and any mistake in the future will just aggravate
it. Tough luck for me…

I feel like I am in a crossroad again. The choice now: my health or my career. What happened to me recently will slowly but surely snatch my ambition away. I’ve set my goals, I was so sure of what I want to achieve for the next few years, but now, the path has dimmed and I cant do anything but hope that I will recover soon enough. Even so, things will be delayed already. I didnt expect things to turn out this way. I didnt know I will have to face this so soon. I am tired of thinking but decision has to be made, til then….