Thoughts and experience of a city girl

Crap and nonsense, that pretty much sum up my life for now. Problems and more problems, always popping up though my existing ones are not solved yet. All these are so overwhelming, too much too fast. I been drowning myself with anger, frustration and self pity. I wasnt like this before, this is not me. Tears are cheap. Smiles and laughter is a distance away.

I was withdrawing from my friends initially but that only make things worse. I know everyone has to go thru some sucky moments in life and i think this is my moment now. I am struggling, at some point, suffocating. But i know for sure I will be a much stronger person when all these are finally over. It’s just a matter of time. I felt bad worrying my parents and my family. I never meant to bring such sorrow to them, I tried to be strong, but sometimes, the harder I try, the harder I fall if it fails. I’m fortunate in many ways that I have friends who really cared, some phone calls just made my day. I hope my next blog wont be another similar one, I hope it’s going to be a happier one. Nothing is that bad or depressing as long as I am still alive and living by the moment.

I went to Damansara Specialist Hospital today for a second doctor’s opinion on my back sprain. Before this, I went to
the Sabah Medical Centre in KK but the medication given is not working. How do I
get my sprained? It’s from my job, and I sprained it twice! It hurts quite bad
now. I have to put a pillow at my back everytime I sit down and I can’t sit/stand/walk
for too long cos my back will give way. This feeling simply sucks!

So basically, the doctor said I have acute back sprain as
well as ligaments sprain. I need to do physiotherapy for 3 consecutive days
starting today and after that on regular basis to strengthen my back again. I
did current therapy, ice therapy and ultrasound therapy and will be doing the
same until my back doesn’t hurt that much. After that, will do some light back
exercise, also done at DSH.

Feel kinda crap that I need to go thru all this now. Even if
I want to go shopping now, it’s going to be a hassle for me. Haha, yeah I am
thinking of shopping despite the pain cos it’s really boring staying home! One
thing I realized now, our back will affect every single movement of our body. I
don’t know how long will I take to fully recover, but again to fully recover is
impossible, the scar will be there, my back has already been hurt twice, the
resistance is obviously lower and any mistake in the future will just aggravate
it. Tough luck for me…

I feel like I am in a crossroad again. The choice now: my health or my career. What happened to me recently will slowly but surely snatch my ambition away. I’ve set my goals, I was so sure of what I want to achieve for the next few years, but now, the path has dimmed and I cant do anything but hope that I will recover soon enough. Even so, things will be delayed already. I didnt expect things to turn out this way. I didnt know I will have to face this so soon. I am tired of thinking but decision has to be made, til then….

This sentence caught my attention from one of my friend’s blog:

"Never touch
a life if you mean to break a heart.
Never look in
the eye when all you do is lie. The
cruelest thing a
guy can do to a girl is to let her
fall in love when he
doesn’t intend to catch her fall"

I’ve been upset for the past few weeks but now, I’ve see the light and life is beautiful if I can see it in a different way. I wont let a single person to snatch my happiness away, what more if that person is so worthless of my effort. So, what I will do is to lead a great and wonderful life. Thanks to everyone who had been asking me and concern about my well being. And also ppl in my base who have been exceptionally supportive of me and my job. Thanks a bunch.